I have written and re-written this portion a million times. First I want to expand on the second part of Part 1. If you missed out on the first part of my story you can find it HERE. I am a planner...and I like to be in control of what is going on in my life. Having a baby was one of the first things that I couldn't fully control. I had it in my plans to have a baby...and I had it in my plans NOW! (I'll admit...one of my downfalls is that I can be very impatient) So I didn't understand how to handle not getting pregnant right away!! God has really had to show me that my plans are not His and His are the only ones that are important for my life. His plans for me are so much greater than anything I can plan for myself. I had to accept this...and I mean REALLY accept it. Not just say "ok, ok God I will follow your plans...but lets get this show on the road and give me a baby." I had to come to a realization that it may be years before I had children. Once I whole heartily accepted this I was able to find peace. And it was only a few weeks later that I found out I was pregnant. The same has gone with my entire pregnancy. I have had to realize that it's not always going to go the way I had planned...it is going to go the way God has planned...even if I don't understand why.
I went to the hospital for the first time on Thursday August 15. The day before I just wasn't feeling right. I had been really busy at work and by the end of the day I was having a lot of pain in my back. I thought that I had just overdone it that day and once I got home I could rest and then I would feel better. Nathan put the crib together that night...I was so excited and wanted to be a part of putting it together but I just didn't feel like it so I sat on the bed, watched and took pictures. I finally went to bed thinking that I would feel better the next morning. But when I woke up I still didn't feel right. I was laying in bed and all of a sudden I felt my stomach get really hard. I had never felt anything like it before and thought that it was just the baby pushing up against me. About 30 minutes later it happened again. I called my mom (throughout my pregnancy I have called her about a million times with questions!!) and she told me that I probably needed to see the doctor. I went to the doctors office and they told me to go back home, rest, and drink lots of water....but if the contractions got worse to go to Labor & Delivery. By the time I got home I was contracting every 10 to 15 minutes so we headed to the hospital.
When I got there everything seemed to move so slow...like hospitals aren't slow enough already! I was ready to find out what was going on and make sure my baby was ok. They hooked me up to the monitors and sure enough I was contracting A LOT!! They ran several tests and ultimately decided that it was probably a urinary tract infection causing the contractions (but they wouldn't know for sure for a couple of days). They sent me home with an antibiotic and said they should start to slow
down.
I was scared to go to sleep that night. But I finally did and when I woke up they were still there. And as the day progressed they got worse. They had told me at the hospital that if they picked up to take a hot bath and if they didn't get better by doing that then to go back to the hospital. So that's what I did. The hot bath didn't help...they were coming every 2 minutes...so we rushed back up to L&D. The results of my UTI test were still not back but they still thought that that was what was causing everything. They did decide to give me a shot of terbutaline which is supposed to help stop contractions. The first shot they gave me didn't work but the second did. At least for a while....by the time I got home the contractions were back but they were a little more spaced out (as in every 30 minutes).
The next morning I woke up to contractions what were every 2 to 3 minutes again. I knew that if it was UTI causing my contractions then they should be getting better by this point so we went to L&D again. This time they had my test results back and I did not have a UTI. They finally just decided that I was just going to have contractions and that they may never stop. They told me that I needed to be on bed rest because my contractions were the worst when I was up on my feet.
The weeks to come were rough. I think a lot of people think bed rest is fun...but let me tell you...it is NOT. It was very lonely and you feel so disconnected from life around you. Everyone you know is continuing on with their daily activities and you are stuck at home not even able to get off the couch. I wasn't allowed to do housework...I could only get up to take a shower and that was it. Don't get me wrong...I wanted to do whatever I had to do to get my baby here safe...I would've stood on my head upside down for 9 months if that's what I needed to do. But it didn't make bed rest any easier.
I see so many pregnant girls complaining about how big they are and how hard it is to move around and how nothing looks cute on them. I would've welcomed all those things! I wish I could have enjoyed this part of my pregnancy like normal people do. I would've loved to have been able to go to the maternity store and pick out "cute" maternity clothes! And walk around where people could see my little baby bump that I was so proud of! I would've loved to have been able to go to the baby stores and buy things for my little girl. And have been able to decorate her nursery from somewhere besides the couch. And this was only the beginning.
The worst part was the fear. I felt like a ticking time bomb...I could go into labor at any time. And there was nothing I could do about it. As a mom you feel like it is your responsibility to take care of your baby....and I felt helpless. I was still so early into my pregnancy (21 weeks) and I knew that if my baby was born that she wouldn't live. The thought of losing the child that I had prayed so hard for and was so excited about was unbearable. I think I cried everyday for the first few weeks. Because not only was that fear there...it was the only thing that I could think about. I didn't have anything to take my mind off it.
As the weeks passed it got a little easier. We still made several trips to the hospital...and my doctor was great to see me at her office when I would get worried. The further along I became the better I started to feel because the percentages of babies that survived early births went up with every week she stayed put. The first goal to reach was 28 weeks which seemed like forever away...but I finally made it there with lots of prayer :)
My mom went through the same thing with both of her pregnancies except she lost twins at 20 weeks. She was on bed rest with me starting at 24 weeks so she knew what it was like. And she was so great to be there for me...she was the only one who truly knew what I was going through. She reminded me one day that Natalie was God's child not mine. I had to give her over to Him no matter what happened. It was really hard to do and I had to pray everyday. But everyday that I prayed I would hear God say back "I will take care of you and your baby". This is the only way I was able to make it through.
Here are a few pictures of me while I was on bed rest. I don't have many but I am glad for the few I have to remember this time!
Me and Cricket on the couch...this is where I spent all of my time unless I was at the doctor, hospital, or in the bed.
This is after one of my doctor appointments around 24 weeks.
This is me and Nathan on our anniversary! I was almost 27 weeks. We didn't get to go anywhere that night so we stayed in and got Logan's to-go! It was also my moms birthday so we celebrated with them :)
Part 5 Coming Soon!!
Kelsey
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